im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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