drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
