I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm going to jail i love you
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
