Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
