You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
