i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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