im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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