i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Randomize
