Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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