I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
