I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
