i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
