broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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