she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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