just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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