i need an iv and a liver transplant
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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