I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
