They should really pass out barf bags in church
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
