only if we run a train.
done.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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