The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
