you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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