you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i think i just lost a toe
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
