If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
