i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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