took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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