she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
