i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
