why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
