oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
