ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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