farters have to be the big spoon...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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