So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
