guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
