PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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