You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
