I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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