why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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