just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
