So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i wish my penis had a tongue
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
