She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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