Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
