Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
