Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
