Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
