Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
