The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
