We won't sleep together?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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