So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
