yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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