Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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