yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The air taste purple.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
