I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
