Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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