...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
